“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”
“No one ever learned anything by talking.”
Greek Philosopher – Epictetus
Effective communication is the key ability and the cornerstone of all interpersonal relationships. We are constantly expressing ourselves to those around us, both verbally and nonverbally. Effective communication is the secret to building relationships with people and increasing our influence over them.
Most individuals can understand this concept, but very few can master it, and the most common barrier is poor listening skills. People frequently exhibit a lack of awareness of the significance of excellent listening. They listen to respond rather than to understand. If one does not understand the other person, how well will he be able to connect with him? Just think back on your own experiences. You have likely had training in speaking, reading, handling arguments, and a variety of other abilities, but have you ever received instruction that helps you listen better?
The majority of individuals only pay attention to the words when they are actively trying to listen. But as we all know, it’s important to pay attention to both what is said and what has been left unsaid in order to fully comprehend a situation and a person. You must pay close attention to the emotions and body language of the people to understand the real meaning of what they are saying. Advanced skills like contemplative and empathic listening must be developed. It takes a lot of time and patience to master this.
Mastering the art of listening is a valuable skill that can enhance communication, build stronger relationships, and foster understanding. Here are some key practices to help you improve your listening skills:
1. Be in the current moment
Our minds are known to work faster than our speech. The majority of unproductive people lack patience, and they start thinking about their response even while the other person is still speaking. This causes problems that our attention is shifted from the other’s speech to our own thoughts and perceptions. We are simply unable to grasp the point that the speaker is trying to convey.
Develop the practice and habit of paying attention and remaining in the present moment. Pay close attention to what is being said. Eliminate distractions, put away electronic devices, and maintain eye contact. Make it clear that you are genuinely curious about what they have to say.
2. Practice Active Listening and Show Empathy
Engage in active listening by focusing on the speaker’s words, non-verbal cues, and emotions. Avoid interrupting or preparing responses in your mind while they are still speaking. Instead, concentrate on understanding their message.Just visualize and understand the difference in the meaning of the same answer (‘I am fine’) when someone asks the same question (‘How are you’) in two entirely different situations. One involves a person who has just miraculously survived an accident, and the other is a depressed individual who has just experienced yet another setback or rejection. The response – ‘I am fine’, coming from the person who escaped the accident moments ago carries with it the emotion of gratitude whereas the same answer coming from a depressed person carries with it the feeling of helplessness and despondency.
Put yourself in the speaker’s shoes and listen to understand the emotions behind the words. Show empathy by trying to assess the mental state the speaker is in. Only then you will be able to get to the core of their thoughts and perceptions. Once you listen in this way, it gives confidence to the speaker and they open up more in front of you and connect more deeply. It leads to the development of bonding and strengthening of relations.
3. Don’t judge others
Steven Covey in his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People says that many of us are in the habit of listening to others while reading from our autobiography, meaning we see things from our own perspective. As a result, we frequently pass judgment on others based on our own expectations and experiences. We are supposed to see the world through our own lenses rather than ‘as it is’. In order to connect with other people you need to refrain from making judgments or jumping to conclusions prematurely. Listen without bias and be open to different opinions and ideas. Remember that listening is about understanding, not necessarily agreeing to everything being said.
4. Ask questions to gain clarity
To make sure you have a clear understanding of the speaker’s message, ask questions when necessary. It is always better to ask it then and there, rather than moving on to the next topic and not getting to know the concerns of the speaker. Ask open-ended questions that encourage the speaker to elaborate and provide more information. Most people will be more than happy to repeat what they said and with greater clarity to ensure that you understand the actual meaning behind their words. When you ask questions, you tell the speaker that you are interested and paying close attention.
5. Be Patient
Being patient in listening to someone is of utmost importance for effective communication and building meaningful relationships. Allow the speaker to express their thoughts fully. Avoid rushing or finishing their sentences. Some people may take longer to articulate their ideas, and interrupting can hinder their communication. Your patience will encourage openness, enhance understanding and build trust.
6. Practice Reflective Listening
Reflect back on what the speaker has said to demonstrate that you have understood them correctly. Paraphrase their words and summarize the key points to show that you are actively processing their message.
7. Communication has to be two way
Try to understand that effective communication occurs when all parties receive a sufficient amount of time and opportunity, not when you dominate the topic. Instead, it will be helpful if you let the others speak first. This will offer you a better understanding of their perspectives. I’ve observed a lot of managers that indulge in monologues all the time because they enjoy their voice a little too much. These are the same people that later complain about the staff’s general lack of enthusiasm and the lack of innovative ideas. Aim to always have a productive conversation with your folks to strengthen your bonds. In the words of Simon Sinek, “A leader is the one who speaks last and acts first.”
In the end realize that our speech gives us expression and our listening gives us understanding.
Once again as Epictetus said “Listening is the beginning of understanding. Wisdom is the reward for a lifetime of listening.” Listen well and make your communication skills more effective. Tupac Shakur was right when he said:
“If you let a person talk long enough you’ll hear their true intentions. Listen twice, speak once.”
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